Burnout

Sometimes one grows weary
And lose the fire in what they do
Sometimes they try escaping
But end up being doomed
How and what, and why is it
That life's become an endless cycle
People living, people dying
What's they're purpose? They've no clue

Sometimes when even one knows where
They're going, they get tired
Lots of courage needed to exclaim
"I want to quit. Why'd I take part?"
Then when they reach the lowest of lows
Suddenly they're lifted up
Because there is immeasurable faith and power
Living inside their hearts

*****

Everybody gets tired. Sometimes, I just want the world to top for a moment so that I'll be able to "breathe some air." These are the times I appreciate God, because no matter how boring a day's routine may be, He is always there to lift me up (over and over again).*

Far Bigger

I do not know
Exactly where You're taking me
Will it be there?
Or maybe elsewhere?
Only You alone can foresee

One thing I know
I trust You with all my life and soul
Your dreams for me are far bigger than my own

As life's path continuously unfolds
I look back through my days
And I see Your faithful ways
I praise You for what You have done and will do

One thing I know
I trust You with all my life and soul
Your dreams for me are far bigger than my own

*****

There are those times when I wonder why He got me "here," and these are the times I am thankful that He is in control.*

P.S. Writing poems have soothing effects. Just like drawing. Haha.

Falling In Love

How could You see
Past all these things about me
And still You kept pursuing
My Lover, My Prince Charming

Seasons came, and seasons flew
Still, You were there, waiting
Then I started falling
Falling hopelessly in love with You

You made me want to follow
Wherever You may go
Made me want to live out
A life that is for You alone

Sometimes, though, I forget
How Your reckless love rescued me
Still You are there, waiting
For me to fall in love with You again

*****

I can' believe I wrote a poem before going to school! I don't know. I just woke up, then, when I was in the shower, I started singing that Hillsong song, "Better than the riches of this world/ Better than the sound of my friends' voices/ Better than the biggest dreams in my heart/ And that's just the start... Hold me now in Your arms and never let me go... I can't stop falling in love with You/ I'll never stop falling in love with You..." After that, I found myself writing a poem in my head, and this was how it came out.

In this poem, God is my pursuing Lover/Prince Charming. It's not (only) because He is magnificent and perfect in every way, but also, because of how He rescued me (and all the other "damsels-in-distress"... figuratively, of course). This was how I was able to praise Him before going to school, and yeah, it's in a pretty non-conventional way. *

The Day My iMac Froze

I just took a bath. Then, the unexpected happened.

I went to my computer and moved my mouse. Okay... not moving. I looked at the DSL connection timer (which shows at the upper right hand screen and appears in this format: :: connected). Not moving either! My supposedly invincible iMac froze!

In hopes of getting my computer to work again, I turned it off for a few seconds, then turned it on again. I gave it a few minutes to load, but the loading screen did not appear. It was already getting late, so, I went to sleep with the light blue screen (which appears before loading) there. When I woke up, the light blue screen was still there. No loading screen. THAT WAS BAD.

I suddenly remembered my chat with Kev the other day (01/09/09, Friday, about 6:30 PM), where I mentioned that if I were to remember Bible verses that remind me of him, one of them was Galatians 5:22-23, a.k.a. the Fruit of the Spirit.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

"... and self-control." Of all those computers that would freeze, mine froze. I do know that it froze partly because I left it on for more than 24 hours straight, but I've done that before, and this was the first time it happened to me (plus, the incident happened right after I took a bath). It's definitely God telling me to have self-control in using the computer.

While I wait for the customer service/technical support personnel to come fix my iMac, and that light blue screen (of death) still continues to appear, I better take this opportunity to spend more time with Him and get more sleep. Hehe.*

P.S. @Kev: These "connection moments" always happen... and they continue to amaze me.

Your Will Be Done

17 The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. 18 I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

20 Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?") 21 When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"

22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." 23 Because of this, the rumor spread among the brothers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?" - John 21:17-23

This was the scenario wherein Jesus informed Peter of the kind of death he would go through to glorify God. (Peter later died by being crucified upside-down.) Surely, anyone who hears about the way they would die (especially if they have to go through a very painful one) would be terrified. The inspiring thing is, Peter submitted to God's will because he knew that God was in control.

This passage "knocked" on my heart again here in our Tagaytay retreat. Though the retreat is about prayer, God's will still remains. A prayer is only answered if it is in accordance with His will, and it must be mighty hard when things don't go about the way we planned them to be.

Another passage I was reminded about was when Job said, "God may kill me, but still I will trust Him. (CEV)" Job's faith in God is really amazing! Reading the stories of these people, and how they put their trust in God really challenges modern Christians (especially those in countries wherein sharing the Word does no have grave consequences). I want to be like these people too... Those who just tell God, "Lord, not my will, but Your will be done."*

Be Near Me

Be Near Me - Bethany Dillon

I follow all the rules
Well, at least I'm trying
Hoping when my days are through
You'll be pleased

I've lived the longest days
Thinking my heart was so bad
Too scared to look in your face
Oh, if only I had

[Bridge:]
And is it alright
If I stay here all night
By the shoreline

[Chorus:]
I cannot believe you are angry or unjust
You've done nothing but have compassion on us
So be near me when I've given You up
Be near me

I'm just like everyone else
We are all hiding
Acting like I have a wealth
Of knowledge and peace

But all I've ever wanted
And what men have given their lives for
Is a God who understands my weaknesses
A God that I can love

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

I believe you are good and righteous
You've given me your reckless love
So be near, be near...

*****

God usually speaks to people through the Bible. But, He also uses other media like people, books, and in this case, music, referring to a passage in the Bible to speak to us. This song used to be one of the blah songs in my playlist until sometime this Christmas season.

I'm one of those people who always seek "self-improvement," and as a Christian, I HATE it when I SIN. It sucks. I feel real bad, and this song expresses my (and every Believers') plea for God to just be there for us even if we go astray (at times).

While I was thinking about this song awhile ago, Hebrews 13:5b flashed on my head - "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you."

These are the moments when His love (or at most, what we humans can comprehend) just leaves me dumbfounded.*