A Christmas Poem

Inspiration struck last night when I was staring at my "Christmas Project" last year. I wrote a poem about it, just to capture the essence of the message I want to portray. (After quite a while, I finally was able to extract some creative juice from my brain. Haha.)

P.S. Read between the lines. :)

*****

A Night Like Any Other

That night must be just like any other.

Fathers going home after work,

Mothers preparing a good dinner.

Children playing and laughing,

Their carefree laughs echoing and filling the evening air.

That day has been both tiring and fun.

It has been another wonderful day,

And a good night's sleep is a reward well earned

for every person in town.

Yet, throughout the mundaneness of that day,

Something memorable happened.

A star,

brighter than all the rest,

Is shimmering in the night sky.

A little lad who's barely eight

Is sitting by the window,

Waiting for his father to come home,

When he noticed that a star,

brighter than all the rest,

Is shimmering in the night sky.

He ran hurriedly, called his mother,

And they went out to see that star.

To that little lad and his mother,

That star is the most beautiful star they've seen.

The most beautiful star, it is, indeed.

*****

My 2008 "Christmas Project":

Advanced Merry Christmas to all!

Random Poem + School + Musings

It's another typical Saturday afternoon,

And here I am inside me room

Typing words for a blog I haven't written to

Since the ninth of July, three months through.

Once again here I go

Trying to express my inner thoughts

And I should be doing my homework now

In accounting and economics a.k.a ENGECON!

In other words... I missed blogging (and writing crazy poems. haha), and I've waited for that ideal moment to start again. I'm now in my second trimester of third year life (that makes me feel old), and so far, everything's okay. I need some excitement in my life. LOL. In other thought, aside from watching "Up" (which, in my opinion, is Pixar's best feature to date), last term has been pretty exciting.

Recap:

My CGPA was already qualified for first honors dean's list even if those are just the grades for 16 out of 17 units, however, due to a crazy chain of events, which included my programming professor getting mad at our class (and giving almost everyone a grade of 0.0) because our programs are similar (therefore concluding that we copied each other's programs when in fact, the similarities were just mere coincidences); having a panic attack, severe headaches, crying because of a one unit subject and getting a high-grade fever out of nowhere; and, in the end, being given a "grace grade" (though I wanted a higher grade) of 1.0.

(Note: That was one very long run-on sentence.)

That happened last September 9, 2009 (09/09/09), and was one of the toughest days in my academic life, but that's what makes life good. LOL. I'm so glad those are all behind me now.

BTW, this is one weird year. First the AH1N1 scare and just a few weeks ago, it was typhoon Ondoy followed by Peping.

Anyway... Have you ever felt like all people are quite good at something, while you are just so-so good at what you do? I have been thinking about that recently. Such a weird feeling. I can draw, but my drawings aren't at par to what I have pictured in side my head. Same goes with all other endeavors like writing, playing musical instruments, singing, acting, etc... Or maybe I'm just comparing too much... which I am most likely doing. Haha. Anyway, time to get back to my homework!!!

My Artsy Self Needs Some Expressing

This is what I get for taking up Engineering as a college course - the right side of my brain gets dried up. So, here goes an on-the-spot poem about... we are to find out. Hihi.

*****
The Crowd

Walk.
Stop.
Look around.

Many people are passing by.
Faces unknown,
those who you will never see again.
In their world, you are nothing.
In your world, they are nothing.
Yet, each one of you, I know.
I know full well.

You are all special in my eyes,
and I yearn for that day
you will see just how important your life is.

No matter how the world sees you -
even if you are just a tiny speck living among multitudes -
Always remember -
You are known and loved -
You are loved and known.

*****

Okay... somehow, the poem turned out like that. Finally, that concept stuck in my head for quite a long time made its way out... even if it turned out different than what I thought it should be.

I don't get it why my poems always revolve around God. They just do. It's probably the overflow of my soul. Anyway...

It's midterms week, and I cannot feel it. Oh well. Nothing much happening... At least I got to see Daryl Marasigan (a balikbayan friend) tomorrow. Weeee.

P.S. At last two lines: They were taken from "Bombay Rain" by Caedmon's Call. Music is mysteriously finds its way into my brain. Hehe.

Let Me Not Forget

The phrase "Let me not forget" stuck to my head after reading Psalm 77 (because of the devotional I was reading - Women On The Journey), and so I ended up writing a poem with that phrase (and Psalm) in mind.

*****

When life has turned its back on me,
Surely I will struggle.
Soon enough I will call for help
Expecting that You will stretch out Your mighty hand.

But if ever You do not,
Let me not forget:
How I smelled the sweet fragrance of Your creation.
Let me not forget:
How I waded in the streams of Your grace.
Let me not forget:
How I felt the cool breeze of Your blessings.
Let me not forget:
How I basked under the warmth of Your great love.
Let me not forget,
Let me not forget.


P.S. "Surely I will struggle. Soon enough I will call for help" - Those 2 lines actually bother me because Christians do ask God for help in everything, right? But then again, before we cannot/ do not ask for help if we do not need help. So, those two lines remain as they are.

Cain

After a month of hibernation, my blog is once again awoken, primarily because of the story of Cain. I've read and heard the story countless of times, but this was the first time that I saw Yahweh's (God of the Old Testament) mercy and love, just like Jesus in the New Testament.

"10 The LORD said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth."
13 Cain said to the LORD, "My punishment is more than I can bear. 14 Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me."
15 But the LORD said to him, "Not so [e] ; if anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over." Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him. 16 So Cain went out from the LORD's presence and lived in the land of Nod, [f] east of Eden." - Genesis 4:10-16

(So... what happened to my life so far? Finished well in summer classes for QUANMET, a.k.a. Probabilities and Statistics... currently undergoing driving lessons... finished the New Testament... went back to school for the 1st Trimester last May 25, only to have classes suspended from June 4 to 14 because of that AH1N1/ swine flu issue in DLSU. Life is so exciting, and no, that was not sarcasm.)

*****

Yahweh,
I did not give my best offering.
I have killed my own brother.
I even asked You if I was my brother's keeper.
So I was cursed. I was punished for what I have done.

My punishment is more than I could bear.
I will till the soil restlessly all the days of my life,
And I will wander aimlessly throughout the earth.
Also, I am banished from Your holy presence.

But still, Your mercy lingers over me.
You have promised to protect me from being murdered -
He who does it to me will suffer a vengeance of sevenfold.
It is indeed ironic
Because even though I am cursed, I am still blessed.
I may be hidden from Your presence,
But I can still see Your grace.

*****

P.S. This post is entitled Cain because of the poem.

P.S.S. Who will have ever thought that Cain the murderer == Cain under God's grace?

Standing on Grace

Insomnia's bugging me again. This is the consequence of sleeping (like a rock) for more than 15 hours. I'm probably the one out of 20 people not asleep right now, and I feel a bit irritated because of that slight headache which is telling my body to rest (which is unfortunately being resisted by my wide-awake eyes).

Since more than 50% of me is still active, I might as well use this time to write things down. Stuff I want to admit to myself in a *somewhat* physical form. I'm spiritually thirsty and weary these past few days, and quoting/paraphrasing from Paul, "I do what I do not want to do, yet what I want to do, I cannot do." Life is so tough sometimes. I was praying in my sleep yester-morning and asking God to cleanse me, forgive me, over and over again as if once is not enough. It's a horrible feeling - the kind when you say you're so sorry, but you cannot "feel" it. Ugh.

And then... a song by Caedmon's Call, entitled "Shifting Sand," comes into mind, and yet again, never failing, God proves to me that He is faithful, no matter how much slap He gets on the face because of me.

"My faith is like shifting sand,
Changed by every wave.
My faith is like shifting sand,
So I stand on grace." - Shifting Sand by Caedmon's Call

*****

I stand on grace
Because of what You've done
I stand on grace
Because of who You are

You are there when I am broken
You are there when I am filled
You are who You are
You never change
You are the God who saves

The One who authored the universe
The long awaited Prophecy
The Lion who is the Lamb
The Eternal Flame that continues to dwell inside my heart

Forever Faithful
Indescribable
Messiah of mine

Solitary Soul

This poem is dedicated to Ate Alps, who is not only a Bible study leader, but a good friend as well. I wish her the best in her journey through life (in training to become a full-time missionary).

Poem inspired by Joshua 1:1-9

*****
I can hear the wind
Calling out my name
As i walk down this barren road
Filled with uncertainty

Why I am doing this
Is a big mystery
I have for so many times
thought of over and over again
Yet I still keep on walking
Unafraid

I'll keep following
This path
Where the wind blows
For my efforts will not be in vain

Soon
though I don't exactly know when
I'll be able to reach
That place
Where the sun always shines
Where the flowers never cease to bloom
Where the river always flows with life

I have faith I will
So I continue to walk



(Home)

Of Irritations and His Faithfulness

For the past few days, there's this irritation in my chest that is itchy and hurts at the same time. It's such a nuisance that I cannot even sleep decently at night. I want to scratch is so bad, but when I scratch it, there is temporary relief, and then the pain and itchiness comes again. I also gets incredibly itchy and painful when I sweat, or even at random moments, like right now when I am just typing a post here in my blog.

I'm going to say this sentence another time, just like I did for the rest of since-when-this irritation began, "Ang kati-kati!!!"

It distracts me so much that I want to cry because of it. But (and I can't believe I'm saying this) you know what's amazing about it? The red pigmentations it causes make a big heart-shaped mark across my chest. I don't even understand the reason why I'm saying this, but what I know is that God is continually teaching me how to see the good in the ugly and irritable, just as He is doing.

On another note, I was archiving all my blog posts a while ago (The oldest post dated back December 31, 2004), and as I was scanning through my posts, I saw a poem I wrote when I was 15 years old. (It seems like a long time ago.) I let a few people read it, because even I was amazed with what I wrote at that time. Also, this is such a memorable poem because this was the first I wrote dedicated to my Heavenly Father.

A Shimmer of Hope

I try to catch my breath
As my world starts to slowly fade away.
I search for a remedy to stop all of this;
My mind trying to find what went wrong.
But I can’t find the answer.
I am lost in oblivion,
Stuck in the limbo within the depths of my soul.

Why does everything seem so hard?
Why do I need to suffer
This bleakness and loneliness
That is slowly eating up
Every part of me?

I need to save what’s left of this place
Before it gets completely devoured by the darkness lurking stealthily;
Ruining my abode little by little.

But I failed.

“How will my world come to life again?”
This question I asked to myself.
I realized that I have ignored something;
A small glitter of light that was always watching over me.
Following me everywhere that I go.

I finally found a shimmer of hope;
Something that can turn my dark, broken world back into the beautiful place it once was.
This little light –
Why did I always ignore it
When in fact, it was the origin of my world.
It was always there beside me –
Constant, unchanging.
This tiny sparkle is the only thing
That can mend this shattered world of mine.

This light –
The one thing I used to nurture
Before my world became a marvelous dwelling.
It was what started it all:
It made all these majestic things that used to live in my paradise;
This world grew and grew,
Until it was so beautiful that I started to ignore this little light.
Slowly, I began to forget about its existence.

Because of this light, I had my world, my secret place,
Where I can lean on, take refuge.
“Why is it still there after all these times I tried ignoring it?”
No matter what I do, the light was always there.
Never foresaking me even though I left it away.

I started nurturing this light again.
My paradise started to come to life once more.
It grew and grew –
I was so delighted!
I can’t believe that this light would still do all these things for me
Despite being rejected for such a long time.

I will continue to nurture this light;
Having done a lot of amazing things for me.
I’ll never let it go;
I’ll not make those same mistakes I did in the past.
This light is what makes my world go round,
And I am willing to do everything for it;
To return the favor it gave me;
Incomparable to any other thing that I can ever give.

-Kamae; May 4, 2006

Based from my previous posts (2004-2008), I have definitely grown up, but this poem reminds me that no matter how much I mature (Oh... I'm almost 18!), there's that part of me that will continue yearning for Him. He has proven to me through my writings and ramblings that He is transforming me into who He wants me to be, and I'll be patiently waiting for the next thing He'll do in my life.

Good Morning, God

After seven hours of sleep
I got out of bed
Stood up
Then went to the bathroom

I placed myself in front of the sink
Started brushing my teeth

After the brushing was done
I gazed at the mirror in front of me
Then smiled

I saw all my imperfections
My ears
My chalk-like stained teeth
Even my zits which I dislike to see

But despite these things
I sing a song of joy
For yes
Even though I am imperfect
I am beautiful to You, my Lord
My Creator
My Savior
My Redeemer
And I praise You
Because despite my shortcomings
You are there to fill me up
And make me whole

Good morning, God
Belated Happy Valentine's Day
I Love You

Your Child,
Kamae

Burnout

Sometimes one grows weary
And lose the fire in what they do
Sometimes they try escaping
But end up being doomed
How and what, and why is it
That life's become an endless cycle
People living, people dying
What's they're purpose? They've no clue

Sometimes when even one knows where
They're going, they get tired
Lots of courage needed to exclaim
"I want to quit. Why'd I take part?"
Then when they reach the lowest of lows
Suddenly they're lifted up
Because there is immeasurable faith and power
Living inside their hearts

*****

Everybody gets tired. Sometimes, I just want the world to top for a moment so that I'll be able to "breathe some air." These are the times I appreciate God, because no matter how boring a day's routine may be, He is always there to lift me up (over and over again).*

Far Bigger

I do not know
Exactly where You're taking me
Will it be there?
Or maybe elsewhere?
Only You alone can foresee

One thing I know
I trust You with all my life and soul
Your dreams for me are far bigger than my own

As life's path continuously unfolds
I look back through my days
And I see Your faithful ways
I praise You for what You have done and will do

One thing I know
I trust You with all my life and soul
Your dreams for me are far bigger than my own

*****

There are those times when I wonder why He got me "here," and these are the times I am thankful that He is in control.*

P.S. Writing poems have soothing effects. Just like drawing. Haha.

Falling In Love

How could You see
Past all these things about me
And still You kept pursuing
My Lover, My Prince Charming

Seasons came, and seasons flew
Still, You were there, waiting
Then I started falling
Falling hopelessly in love with You

You made me want to follow
Wherever You may go
Made me want to live out
A life that is for You alone

Sometimes, though, I forget
How Your reckless love rescued me
Still You are there, waiting
For me to fall in love with You again

*****

I can' believe I wrote a poem before going to school! I don't know. I just woke up, then, when I was in the shower, I started singing that Hillsong song, "Better than the riches of this world/ Better than the sound of my friends' voices/ Better than the biggest dreams in my heart/ And that's just the start... Hold me now in Your arms and never let me go... I can't stop falling in love with You/ I'll never stop falling in love with You..." After that, I found myself writing a poem in my head, and this was how it came out.

In this poem, God is my pursuing Lover/Prince Charming. It's not (only) because He is magnificent and perfect in every way, but also, because of how He rescued me (and all the other "damsels-in-distress"... figuratively, of course). This was how I was able to praise Him before going to school, and yeah, it's in a pretty non-conventional way. *

PoeDreams I

As of this writing, I'm still in Baguio, and I had one of "those" dreams again. They are pretty strange dreams where I am in some empty room with a table, a chair, writing instruments and some paper... and I write a song of praise to God. Weird. Weird. Weird.

Now I usually forget the songs I write in my dream when I wake up in the morning, despite my best efforts to memorize all the lines! (During my dream, I figure that the melody is so-so, but I just NEED to DOCUMENT the lyrics!) It's amazing that today, I have the opportunity to actually "preserve" my lyrics (I took fragments of my dream, typed it in my laptop which is just a few feet away. Very convenient.).

I figured I'd name them "PoeDreams," since I got them from sleeping anyway.*

*****

We

Human beings

Created supreme

Peak of creation

Envy of all

Sin made us fall

But You came and broke the law

Oh

How could it be

My Savior, my King

You gave Your life for me

I come

With an empty palm

Now You dwell in my heart

As Your loving response

Hallelujah

My God is good

My God is good

Hallelujah

Forever You reign

My Lord who once was slain

Fireworks

I gaze in awe

At the sight that unfolds

Through the fireworks

Through the fireworks

A rainbow of colors

A multitude of dancers

Amaze

And here I am standing

Underneath its glory

Not knowing what to do

As the lights come

Falling down through the sky

My eyes know too clear

They are not shooting stars

And here I am standing

Underneath its glory

Not knowing what to do

*****

Made this poem after watching the fireworks display at SM Baguio. A fireworks display is really stunning.*